I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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