I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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