Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
