last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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