she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize