Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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