Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
