I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
