I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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