Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
