Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
