I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
