break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
