She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
