Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
