Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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