matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize