I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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