Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
