Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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