I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
