So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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