I just made out with a guy for $7.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When are your genitals available?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
