Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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