Don't you send me to vm
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
