guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize