Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
