your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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