maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
