he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
