did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
that is very illegal...i love you.
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