I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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