she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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