Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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