I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize