hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
