they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
