a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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