I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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