Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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