I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
