I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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