this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
