do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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