I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
