I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My life is pants optional.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
