you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This house was built for laser tag.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize