waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize