when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
