I need to stop coming to work sober
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
