Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
