Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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