he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
