I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're so nebulous sometimes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
