My Higher Power is John Stamos
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so let's talk penis.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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