My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
