A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
