chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
