i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
