Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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