i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
