When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
