It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
