So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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