guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
