I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
