is your mom at the bar?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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