my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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