Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
