So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
