He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
