need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
